Originally posted at Feminist Mormon Housewives.
On Sunday I was checking my facebook and noticed that a friend had taken the "What Kind of Boobs Do You Have?" quiz. Her result was: "your boobs are juicylicious, any guy would love to burst open your Hawian punch." Now you may wonder why, self-proclaimed feminist that I am, I didn't immediately dismiss such immature and patently mysogynist (not to mention misspelled) drivel and turn my attention to the health care crisis, or even read an article an article in Newsweek or a biography of Eleanor Roosevelt.
Oh no! Instead, I started to wonder what kind of boobs I had.
I suppose it would have made sense to glance down at the girls and make my own assessment of all their 36C splendor. But I didn't trust my own judgment. I took the facebook quiz. You may have done it yourself, you Mormon Feminist Housewives! Here were the questions [sic]:
What foods or drinks do you eat/drink more often?
- fruit punch
do you do any activities?
- all the time
DO you have sex alot?
- all the time
have you even been pregnant?
- had an abortion
- have 8 or less kids
What kind of bra do you wear?
- no bra
- push up
- none padded
I chose: yogurt, sometimes, sometimes, 8 or less, and push-up.
To my horror, this was my result:
saggy sackI immediately deleted, and took the quiz again, changing my answers to questions # 2 and 3.
Now for this one, you have baseballs yes baseballs... but inside of knee high socks. this probably means you are to old to be on facebook.
In order to get even an ACCEPTABLE result, I had to take the quiz FIVE TIMES and lie on EVERY QUESTION. Here it was, finally:
the result is Firm and plump.I wasn't all that satisfied with this one, either, having no real desire to "make it" in the porn star field. But, oh the shame, I admit--I posted it to my wall.
Your boobs are very firm, and could even make it in the porn star field.
Now, here's why I'm writing this post. I sincerely doubt I'm alone in this. How many of you have taken this quiz? How many of you, EVEN AFTER you have seen the banality of the questions, will go and take that cursed facebook quiz? We don't trust ourselves to assess our own bodies. We need confirmation that we are "juicylicious." We will lie to get this confirmation. (Witness: the sales of padded and push-up bras.)
Let's do an experiment. Let's assume all of us have spectacular and lovely breasts. They were made by our Creator, and are diverse and exciting. Let's do something transformational: let's write our OWN "result." There's only one caveat--it has to be POSITIVE! (Whether you post it on your facebook page is up to you.) Here's an example for you, then it's your turn.
BiV's result: My breasts are smooth, creamy, and rose-tipped. They hang ripely with the joy of nourishing children. They don't like being confined.
Ready, Set, GO!