Saturday, August 30, 2008

Stuart Falls in Love

Last night my daughter's boyfriend asked her to marry him. His name is Stuart, and he took her up to Stewart Falls in Provo to pop the question. I met him earlier this month and he and I have been in cahoots--I sent him my ring which no longer fits (size 4!!) to propose with. Truly I am not ready for my children to start getting married. I cannot think of what he will call us. Mom and Dad seems strange. First names? Perhaps. DH wants Stuart to call him "Dr. B!" I never called my in-laws anything. Except, after the children were born I referred to them as Grandma and Grandpa. What do you call your in-laws? Was it uncomfortable at first?

17 comments:

Ann said...

I went straight for mom and dad. Eternal family and all.

Congratulations to Stuart. I'm glad you like him.

Ann said...

P.S. If Mom & Dad doesn't work, then first names are the way to go.

ZD Eve said...

Wow! Congratulations, BinV--that's exciting, although I can see how it must be weird for you, too.

My husband's the fifth of six, and I just imitated the other in-laws and called them by their first names. It seems to work fine--at least, I hope it does!

bwebster said...

In my first marriage, I always referred to my in-laws by their first names, Mary and Vern. In my second marriage, I usually use "Mom" and "Pop" (which is what my wife calls them), though I will occasionally use their first names as well.

We just married off our sixth (out of nine [blended family]) kids. I've never particularly cared what my kids-in-law call me, as long as it isn't profane. ..bruce..

minnie said...

Congratulations! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has struggled with what to call my in-laws. I've been married for 16 years now - the first 10 years i called them by their first names - I just couldn't say the words "Mom" and "Dad" without feeling awkward. I guess I have such love for my own Mom it felt a little bit like a "betrayal" to call someone else that beloved name. But, after 10 years of marriage, I had come to love my inlaws so much that I felt like I could use those names in such a way that felt genuine to me. But I still have to admit it feels a little bit awkward!

Lucy said...

Well, fortunately my in-laws lived 3000 miles away and I didn't have it to worry about. But when I was around them, I never called them anything. Doesn't that sound awful? But that's what happened. I wasn't comfortable with any of the choices and I did not live close to them to make the attempt. My son/daughter in law just call me by my first name and I'm very okay with that.

Dan Knudsen said...

My wife was the first of her siblings to marry (eight kids in the family). I stayed with them the summer of 1966, before we got married in September, and her folks never told me what to call them, so I didn’t call them anything--ever. It may have come up quite a few years later, but if it did I was already in my rut and it was too late for me to change. She called my folks by their first names. Eight of our nine children are married and their spouses all call me “Dan”--which is fine with me, since we’re all adults. My wife has lately taken to calling me “Dan” to our kids, instead of “Dad” which she used the first 40, or so, years of our marriage. I’ve always referred to her as “Mom” when talking to the kids.

Bored in Vernal said...

lol, DH and I call each other Dad and Mom too.

Isn't it crazy that so many of us never called our parents-in-law ANYTHING? That is why I feel like I need to decide and just TELL him what to call us. I'm sure that after a while it won't seem so very awkward.

Hey, what do you think about MIL and DIL?

Zillah said...

congratulations!

i call my in-laws by their first names. my mom wanted k to call her mom, and my dad wanted him to call him "oh wonderful exalted brilliant genius one" or something along those lines. k calls them by their first names. my mother calls my dad's parents mom and dad, and my dad calls my mom's parents by their first names (when he's not calling my grandma nasty names behind her back).

CatherineWO said...

I always appreciated my in-laws telling me right up front that I should call them by their first names. We have had discussions with each of our children's spouses before the weddings and come to agreement on what they would call us. Most of them call us by our first names, but one son-in-law started calling us Mom and Dad long before the wedding. The one for whom it was the most awkward was the son-in-law who grew up in the same ward with us and just couldn't get beyond calling us Brother and Sister O. Now he just calls us Grandma and Grandpa.

Another funny name thing is what parents call their adult children. My husband and I both had nicknames as children that we stopped using with friends over thirty years ago, but his mother and most of our siblings still use them. When my daughter and her husband moved into our area a couple of years ago with their family, it took me awhile to stop using her childhood nickname, which I realized was a little embarrassing to her. Yet another one of our daughters likes us to call her by her nickname, even though she never uses it herself with friends.

So I guess with names, it's always best to ask (or tell), if there is a preference.

ixoj said...

After several years of not calling my in-laws anything (opting to instead maneuver around the room so I could face the one I wished to speak with), I went with first names. My parents didn't care if my husband called them by first names or mom and dad, but "Brother and Sister Hill" was totally out.

Maraiya said...

My first thought is, "What about your daughter? Did she fall in love too?" ;)

Congratulations! You are facing my greatest fear: being a mother-in-law. Personally, I call my in-laws by their first names, DH calls his in-laws "mom" and "dad." I think it depends on each relationship. You could always have a conversation....I'm not sure how awkward that is or isn't.

Ach - blah, I don't think I'm being any help. Congratulations again though and let us know when we can call you Grandma. heeheehee. ;)

Mormon Heretic said...

Wow, this is therapeutic. I don't call my in-laws anything either, and thought I was weird. Glad to hear so many others have the same problem. The funny thing is, when I talk to my parents about my in-laws, I just refer to them as Wendy's mom or dad.

My in-laws are great people, but I struggle, because they are so into having a "camelot" appearance, that they just seem unapproachable about most topics. I often feel like an out-law, because my family is more open about communication.

I think my wife refers to my mom by her first name, but doesn't refer to my father at all--he can be quite intimidating.

Stephanie said...

I call them by their first names, and my husband calls my parents by their first names, too.

Anonymous said...

The day after my DH and I got engaged, my MIL told me that she wanted me to call her "mom", that we were going to be an eternal family and that we were going to learn to love each other as such. I was so grateful that she had already considered me daughter and wanted me to consider her mom. That's been such a blessing to me these past several years. If you want your soon-to-be SIL to love you, ask him to call you "mom". I can't imagine calling my IL's by their first names, that just seems too formal, being family and all.

Maggie said...

My oldest son's FIL announced publically at their reception that, because he had never known what to call HIS in-laws until they were grandpa and grandma, he would like his new son-in-law to know that it was OK to address him by his first name. That was something my son truly appreciated.

I personally do not feel it is appropriate for me to EXPECT my children-in-law to call me Mom - just my opinion. I think that their relationship with their own parents has a great deal of influence on how they feel towards those titles - for good or bad. I have followed the example above, and told each of my new children-in-law that they are welcome to address us as either mom and dad, or by our first names, whichever they are most comfortable with. It is split fairly evenly between the two options, and I'm cool with that. And, we are blessed with children-in-law that all come from strong LDS families, so the eternal perspective is not the only influence.
My husband never felt comfortable enough with my folks to call them by anything other than thier first names.
I called his parents Mom and Dad, until his father passed away, and his mother remarried. Now, I address them by their first names, because I do not feel that comfortable with my stepfater-in-law.

I would rather be called by my first name than have my kids feel so awkward that they have to avoid talking to me.

Genevieve said...

Why don't you get a PhD and he can just call ya'll Dr. Mom and Dad?