March

While you're waiting to hear from me, I thought I'd post a book review on the last book I read while in the States: March, by Geraldine Brooks. This is a great book for the light novel reader--not too difficult to read, but with some substance to it. Brooks has drawn her inspiration from Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, and has written the story of the absent father, Mr. March, who has gone off to aid the Union cause in the Civil War. She has loosely based this character on Louisa Alcott's own father, Bronson Alcott.

Bronson Alcott sounds like a man with whom I would love to become acquainted. He was a transcendentalist philosopher, educator, and abolitionist. He counted among his closest friends Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau, and his name appears frequently in their letters and journals. It appears that Brooks had plenty of material to study in forming the character of Mr. March, as Bronson Alcott recorded his own life in 61 journals and his letters fill 37 manuscript volumes in the Harvard College Library.

Brooks has done a wonderful job of creating a life and voice for Mr. March. As a callow youth, he shows little thought for the evils of slavery, but he gradually encounters Negro slaves in the South and becomes enlightened. The book takes him through his marriage to Marmee, the loss of his fortune in attempting to advance the abolitionist cause, and his tortured decision to join the Union Army as a chaplain. While experiencing the horrors of war, he loses his innocence and becomes a tortured soul.

It is this character, portrayed near the end of the novel, who captured my imagination. The following excerpt from the novel recounts Mr. March's thoughts as he leaves the hospital and prepares to return home to his anxious family:

You go on. You set one foot in front of the other, and if a thin voice cries out, somewhere behind you, you pretend not to hear, and keep going.

But some steps require more effort than others. As I set my foot upon the path leading to that little brown house, I felt like an impostor. Surely, I had no business here. This was the house of another man. A man I remembered. A person of moral certainty, and some measure of wisdom, whom many called courageous. How could I masquerade as such a one? For I was a fool, a coward, uncertain of everything.

Had I been alone, I might have turned back then, melted away like the snow on that bright, mild morning, become a particle lost in the vast spate flowing through the landscape of war, so that my daughters could live with the unsullied memory of that other man, and not be obliged to know this inferior replacement.

But I was not alone. John Brooke had a firm grip upon my arm and the young Lawrence boy pranced brightly ahead of us, barely able to contain his excitement. He was carrying on as if he brought some bright-wrapped, welcome Christmas gift. If only he knew for what shoddy goods he was the forerunner. I pulled my muffler up high around my face, so as to hide the trembling at the corners of my mouth. Truly, walking up that path was an act of courage greater than any asked of me at war.

To those who have experienced uncertainty, and have faced their own weaknesses in the darker parts of their souls, this character will seem familiar. This novel builds in complexity when, at its apex, one comes to see the differing points of view of several of the characters, and that things are not always as they seem. I loved the shades that the author adds to Marmee. In Little Women, the mother is a paragon of virtue, but in life one can hardly live up to this standard. Here Marmee is shown as a noble, but real person. Without reservation, I would put this novel beside my copy of Little Women upon the shelf.

Bored in Vernal is now Behind the Infamous Veil

I would like to say goodbye to all my blog friends for a while. Tonight we unhook the computers and pass them on to our two college girls. They will depart tomorrow for BYU-Idaho and Utah State Logan, respectively. I have the weekend to finish cleaning this place out and we will fly out of Utah early on Monday morning. I don't know how long it will take once we get to Riyadh to buy a new computer and get hooked up. Don't give up on me! I'm sure I'll be back to blogging soon.

Fantasy Bonds in Eternal Marriages

This was another session I attended at Sunstone Symposium. It was given by Michael Farnsworth, EdD, an educational psychologist who recently retired from the marriage and family relations dept. at BYU Idaho.

The words "fantasy bonds" were, in my opinion, a little misleading in this presentation. Michael was using the terminology given by Robert Firestone to roleplays that husbands and wives develop in their marriages. Fantasy bonds are culturally defined duties that people begin to act out in their marriages. They can eventually become bonds which hold the couple back from intimacy.

Michael said that intimacy is an acquired taste--many cannot stand the passion that true intimacy brings. When we fear our own and others' energies, we can form fantasy bonds as a psychological defense to marital distress. Mormon women have a great tendency to slip into this role-playing behavior. Once a young wife enters into the pattern, all her decisions are made for her. She will have many children, she will not work outside the home, she will hold Church callings, etc. Michael warns of three dangers to this reaction, and I have observed these myself.

1. The relationship can become superficial
2. The marriage partners are embroiled in continual conflict
3. One of the partners surrenders their voice

Thus, Michael suggested that personal identity has to be established before relationship identity can be formed.

The respondent to this talk was Ronda Callister, PhD and professor of organizational behavior at Utah State. She presented the point of view that developing a resilient identity is the work of a lifetime. She said that had she waited until personal identity was established before she was married, it would have been a very long time! Then she shared some steps she had taken in developing a resilient identity and encouraging intimacy in her marriage.

I enjoyed this presentation but I found it very difficult to listen to, since I neither see myself as having a very well-developed sense of identity nor much intimacy within my marriage.

Blake Ostler on Spiritual Experiences

Blake Ostler's presentation at the Sunstone Symposium went a lot different than I thought it would. I didn't expect Blake to be as understandable, down-to-earth, and personal as he was. Blake spoke about LDS testimony and spiritual experiences--and he wasn't dry at all. In fact, near the beginning of his talk, he told of an experience he had when he was age 15. Sitting in the high school gym, a girl he didn't know well sat next to him, and he was prompted to tell her that God wanted her to stop thinking about suicide. This turned out to be an important message, since she was already planning the act. Blake argued that spiritual experiences are real. (Well, he actually says, "attacks claiming that such experiences are not trustworthy because they are merely ephemeral emotions are based on a caricature and unjustified reduction." It is Blake, after all.) Blake testified that it is not irrational for us to believe and trust our spiritual feelings. He also preached a "radical inclusivism," where we are called to be open to the spiritual experiences of others, including evangelicals. He cautioned that we should recognize that our experience does not mean that we know anything, that we should not feel morally superior because of it, and that we should remain open to doubt. He explored the idea that spiritual experience cannot be produced at will. He concluded that religious experience has no meaning without a life lived in pursuit of this knowledge.

Blake's presentation seemed to generate a great deal of controversy among the audience. The respondent, Bill Heersink from Salt Lake Theological Seminary, praised Blake for his "holistic view of humans that doesn't try to divorce the mind and soul," but nevertheless disagreed with his definition of spiritual experience. Several of the questions at the end likewise asked for further clarification. One young man in particular questioned Blake's view of spiritual experience. The young man told of an experience of his own in the MTC. He prayed to know his status regarding a girlfriend and was given a strong confirmation that he would marry the girl. When she later "Dear Johnned" him, it was devastating.

I was quite surprised to hear Blake respond that the young man's experience was not a valid one, since it had later been proved to be false. I thought Blake's answer went against his explanation of "radical inclusivism" earlier in his talk. Blake saw his own experience in high school to be valid since the girl was actually thinking of suicide, but the young man's experience was different since he did not end up marrying his girlfriend.

I believe this is a problematic way of looking at spiritual experience. Encounters with the Divine tend to be nebulous and not easily interpreted. I would be much more willing to see the young missionary's experience as a real manifestation of the Holy Spirit, sent for comfort and aid at a difficult time. Perhaps the interpretation was in error, but the experience was undeniable.

I appreciated and agreed with the points in Blake's presentation. I found it comforting to hear such an erudite and intellectual assertion that we can "know with a surety" the reality of the Spirit in our lives. However, I was quite put off by the application of his own principles in his response to the young returned missionary. I would like to see a greater acceptance of spiritual experience within and among religions.

Spirituality at Sunstone

In this post I'd like to address the issue brought up by Snarkimus Prime in his continuing attacks upon me regarding spirituality at Sunstone. There are two areas of interest to me: People, and Programs.

People

Snarky seems to object to the presence at Sunstone of many former Mormons. Some of the more infamous among these are the Toscanos, Janice Allred, Lavina Anderson, Richard Dutcher, Will Bagley. These people have been excommunicated or left the Church due to their exploration of Mormon topics through their art, be it writing or film.

Especially for U, Snarky--Sunstone Slideshow

Snarker, be Damned: Another Sunstone Testimony

I finally have internet access again (!)and Snarker be damned, I am going to post my little heart out about how wonderful and spiritual it was. I believe that the types of talks and panels at Sunstone have the power to touch the questioning and questing among us in a way that speaks to our souls.

On Thursday, the Mormon Women's Forum presented a panel titled "Image and Reality: The Many Faces of Mormon Women. Janice Allred led the panel and explained that the concept of face invites us to consider several contrasting pairs that define face: appearance vs. reality, public vs. private, open vs. hidden, engaged vs. withdrawn, present vs. past, and ideal vs. real. Each of the panelists addressed how Mormon women negotiate the tension between the ideal and the reality of their own lives. Since I was one of the panelists, I'll post my remarks here for your edification!

Virginia Woolf wrote: "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." I identify with this statement because I realize that in order to accomplish great things, one must have the means and the space. I sometimes wonder if, within Mormonism, a woman can find "a room of her own." From the time a Latter-day Saint girl or boy is very young, words of testimony are whispered in their ears. They memorize all 12 Articles of Faith and are taught songs of faith and assurance. The Young Women stand each week and recite a motto describing the ideal girl. An active teenage girl who attends Church services, Mutual, and Seminary goes to Church 10 or more hours a week. She is interviewed by her Bishop twice a year to assess her worthiness. Often, this young woman will marry at a fairly young age and begin Church and family responsibilities before she has ever really lived on her own.

These can all be wonderful influences. They tend to produce women who have lived clean, decent lives; who have not mired themselves in addictions. These women are trained and prepared to keep clean and organized homes and to raise upstanding families. Are they missing anything from never having had a room of their own?

I think our strength as a culture is that we tend to develop the public face of our people superbly. As a young wife, I had learned how to present that face to the ward and to the world. I was well-spoken, well-groomed, energetic. I had the skills to run a Parent-Teacher Organization or to speak in public. This picture shows 6 of my eventually 8 children. As you can see, I sewed matching dresses for these girls. I did it three times a year: Christmas, Easter, and Pioneer Day.

But the public appearance was very different from the private reality.

At times I found friends I could share the tough realities of my life with. But in my experience, the Mormon world was not conducive to such confidences. As a Latter-day Saint, I felt compelled to put on a good face for the world. To my non-member friends and neighbors, I felt that I needed to show them how happy being a member of the Church made me. I couldn’t reveal any marital problems, for that would put a bad light on our “eternal family” rhetoric. I didn’t feel free to complain about the pressures of having 8 children, because it might invalidate my reasons for having such a huge family. Among the other LDS women, I felt some competition and equal pressure to maintain the image of perfection. Especially when I was a young mother, I didn’t realize that other Mormon women might also be struggling.

Putting forth a good face is also an inherited trait in my family. To illustrate this, I’d like to share a story my mother wrote in her family history. She tells of going to see a Broadway musical review with her sisters. Since they knew someone in the production, they were invited to go backstage. They left their seats during the final number and were ushered back behind the curtains to watch the chorus line finale. They saw the dancers with big, bright smiles upon their faces while they faced the audience. But when they turned their backs on the crowd, the girls’ faces would relax into a frown or a scowl of concentration. By the time they turned back around, they had their smiles pasted back on. My mother compared this chorus line to her family. She said that in public, they always had to have their smiles on.

I wrote a poem (some of my blog readers will remember this!) which expresses the liminality I have felt as I have attempted to please my family, my Church, and especially my husband without being able to fully celebrate the nontraditional parts of myself. It’s called, “I Put on Black.”

I put on black,
My head I bow.
You like me now.
You like me now.

I put away my chartreuse scarf,
And colored things I used to wear.
My second piercings now are bare,
I gel down my unruly hair.

I do not have a lot to say.
My makeup now is quite subdued.
I seem to cook a lot of food,
I don’t go swimming in the nude.

I nod and murmur when I should,
I shut my mouth, my thoughts I still,
My questions and my quirks I kill--
My secret longings none can fill.

The ward is suddenly so kind.
I’m not as different now, you see!
A call has been extended me
To teach Relief Society.

Sedately I walk down the aisle,
The Bishop’s wife sits by my side,
She nods at me; you smile with pride,
I feel a tearing deep inside.

I clean the toilets and the hall,
Read stories to my sweet sunbeams.
We never argue now, it seems.
I wonder where I put my dreams.

Your temple marriage now is safe,
You hold my hand that wears the ring.
I never dance, I never sing,
You would not notice such a thing.

I’m all in black,
I’ve kept my vow,
You like me now,
You like me now.

But this is what
You do not see:
I don’t like me,
I don’t like me.

When my family moved to the small, provincial town of Vernal, Utah two years ago, I discovered blogging. I felt I had found “A room of my own,” where I could present my innermost thoughts and feelings, ideas I’ve long held, but didn’t always align with the perfect Mormon woman. On my blog, I call myself “Bored in Vernal,” a feminist, pacifist, disgruntled, yet fully active Latter-day Saint. I’ve found the cyberworld to be a place where I can explore the real me among those with a Mormon background. I’ve found that I can’t leave the Church behind. It is a deep and inextricable part of me. Yet there are some policies, procedures and doctrines that, in order to be authentic, I must take exception to. Even at the ripe old age of 47, I’m still trying to find myself. Right now, it’s almost like I live a double life. I find myself saying things at Church, then saying the polar opposite on my blog. Which do I really believe? At the time I say these things, I feel I am representing myself accurately. I’m so confused. What are my true feelings? Who am I?

One of the objectives of this panel was to explore how Mormon women negotiate the tension between the roles and expectations of Mormon culture and the reality of their own lives. I pondered this as I read a recent novel entitled “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.” The book is about nineteenth-century China and a group of women in Jiangyong, a far flung area in the rural countryside. These traditional Chinese females experienced the binding of the feet at age 7, early marriage, and a secluded life thereafter. While embracing the expectations of their culture, the women of this community developed practices which enabled them to survive. To meet their needs for community, the women contracted with other females—either “sworn sisters” or “old sames.” The novel is based on factual evidence that these women developed a secret system of writing by which they could communicate. It was called “nu shu,” and was kept secret for over a thousand years.

I believe that women such as myself who find tension between traditional Mormon roles and their own personal paradigms must find some way to relieve the strain. What practices will they develop which will enable them to survive and flourish? Will it be online communities such as blogging, or email groups? As wards become more accepting of diversity, will they find kindred spirits within the ward with whom they can commiserate? Or will these women find fulfillment in jobs outside the home, retaining their cultural roles only while at home and at Church?

Through the Proclamation on the Family, the Church has shown its commitment to traditional roles for women. Within our illustrious history, though, there have been some few opportunities for women, even within this type of culture, to find “a room of their own.” I’m thinking of women such as Ellis Shipp, who was sent back East by Brigham Young to obtain a medical degree. She practiced and taught medicine in Utah while bearing ten children. Women like Minerva Teichert, who went to Chicago to take art lessons as a “set apart” missionary of the LDS church. She married, raised a family, cooked and helped with the ranch while painting prolifically throughout her life. I’m thinking of Relief Society sisters who collected grain for humanitarian service, wrote their own manuals, maintained their own budgets and buildings. I urge that we continue to draw upon these, and many other examples of women who embraced their cultural roles within Mormonism yet broadened the definition of womanhood to find a room of their own from which to reach out and touch the world.

Stay tuned! I'll be posting much more of my experiences from Sunstone.

Greetings from the Sunstone Symposium!

A big Bronx cheer to those who believe "Symposia" are evil. I just felt the Spirit stronger than I have in the past year. This year's event is off to a great start.

I just attended this evening's presentation by Helen Whitney, creator of the PBS special "The Mormons." She told the story of the making of the film with some behind-the-scenes stories and commentaries. "Why did I choose to examine these quirky, strange, and scary Mormons?" she asked. She explains that she feels an affinity to the spiritual and is fascinated with radical religious commitment. Mormonism is not just a Sunday religion, as we all know. It is all-encompassing. Helen began her three-year process of preparing this documentary with a bit of knowledge about the Mormons: "I knew they were smart, funny, they weren't polygamists, and they lived in other places outside of Utah," she explains. At the end of the odyssey, she says that she can't imagine tending to family, career, and belonging to such a faith--"my head just hurts."

I was extremely impressed by all the work that went into making this documentary. Whitney has crafted her new-found knowledge and thousands of hours of interviews into an art form. It was fascinating to listen to her explain how and why she chose the music, the art work, and the interviews that would be included. She explained that access is always a problem for a documentary film maker. She would not have been able to make the film without gaining the trust of the LDS Church. Why was the Church so open to a film it would not have any control over? Helen postulates that the Church has a reputation for being very closed. Michael Purdy, the Church representative with whom she worked on this project, wanted to change this perception.

I especially liked Whitney's discussion of gathering the interviews. She wanted to get her subjects to strip away the religious jargon. She was concerned that the speakers would be too boring. She said that dissidents were the most interesting. Historians seemed too attatched to one little piece of the picture and the faithful were unable to move past their trite jargon. I thought in view of this situation that her final result was remarkably balanced.

Whitney's "surprise" interviews included Betty Stevenson (inner-city convert), and Marlin Jensen. The higher up you go, she noted, you must abandon all hope of fresh, unrehearsed answers. Not so with Jensen. He was authentic and interesting. "The Church would be well-advised to use him as the public face of Mormonism," she quipped. On the other hand, she was disappointed with Boyd K. Packer's interview, blaming herself as much as him. She saw him as having made some strong statements in the past, and she wanted him to expand upon what he had written. Instead, she felt that he did not own what he had said.

What touched me about Whitney's presentation was her excitement about Joseph Smith as a powerful and complex leader. She cautioned Mormons not to strip him of his boldness and ruthlessness. She labeled Joseph "postmodern" and described him as "experimenting with his many selves." She said that we should judge his narrative by its power to change lives and people's willingness to believe it. Whitney challenged Mormons to see Joseph as a fascinating prophet-puzzle. She urges us to own our beliefs and be less defensive.

After the presentation, I felt inspired by the admiration of a non-member who sincerely investigated Mormonism and found it a passionate, intriguing religion. The session was opened and concluded with hymn singing directed by Ardean Watts. How I wish every chorister in the Church could take lessons from Ardean! He conducted with a flair, almost dancing in his excitement, and all eyes were upon him. We sang with gusto.

Kevin Barney has an open thread on the Symposium at BCC--check it out for more observations on the event.

My Summer Reading

Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich
I've read all 13 Stephanie Plum novels. This one is the same as the others--a light read with amusing portions, but containing smutty language and adult situations. Absolutely no redeeming value.


Dialogue Magazine
I almost always sit down and read my Dialogue the minute it arrives. My favorite article in this issue was Cetti Cherniak's "The Theology of Desire" (Part 2 in a series). Loved her discussion on artists and all those who exercise creative agency. Another great piece was Wrathall's "Trial of Faith." Wrenching.


Religious Literacy by Stephen Prothero
Written in the same vein as "Cultural Literacy" by Hirsch, Prothero makes a great case for the need for familiarity with world religion. Go here to test your religious literacy!


The Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay
This novel's themes of loss, power, love and impairment resonated with me. How can we regain the things we lose, or cope with never finding them again? Which of our secrets are destructive, and which are necessary?


Lucy's Book by Lavina Fielding Anderson
I wanted to read this to get Lavina's take on the changes that were made to this memoir in it's various publications, and on Lucy's role in the early church. I haven't been disappointed! I'm still working my way through this one--I've had to renew this library book twice. That never happens! When I get some extra $$$ I will add this to my collection.


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
I have to reread the last two Harry Potter's before the new one comes out, so I can remember what is going on! I just finished all 870 pages of #5--now, can I read #6 by Friday night??


Sunstone Magazine
I've finished the latest issue of Sunstone--Enjoyed reading Margaret Toscano's "Are Boys More Important Than Girls?" I heard her give this talk at last year's Symposium. To read it online, click on the Sunstone link!


Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
I'm done with Book 6 and now I've refreshed my mind on all the events of the previous Harry Potter books. I still can't believe Dumbledore really died in this book. I'm ready for Book 7 to come out, and I sure hope it explains Snape's treachery and why he was so trusted by Dumbledore!


Ysabel by Guy Gavriel Kay
Another fun summer read. This book combines fantasy with a bit of Celtic and Roman history. It's entertaining, but nothing special. This book is supposed to be more contemporary than his other works. I think I'll try his earlier fantasy novels. His Fionavar Tapestry series and "The Last Light of the Sun" are international bestsellers.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
I read it! and I'm not telling.


Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
I read this novel of nineteenth-century China for a Book Club group. I'm driving all the way to Highland to reunite with some friends I knew in Houston. We will spend the night and discuss the book. This one's worthy of a blog post, too!

A Room of My Own

The concept of face invites us to consider several contrasting pairs that
define face: appearance vs. reality, public vs. private, open vs. hidden,
engaged vs. withdrawn, present vs. past, and ideal vs. real. What are the
stereotypes about Mormon women and how well do these images represent
actual Mormon women? What are the roles and expectations that Mormon
culture scripts for women and how do Mormon women negotiate the tension
between these ideals and the reality of their own lives? How do these ideal
images affect the ways Mormon women shape their own identities?

Virginia Woolf wrote: "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." I identify with this statement because I realize that in order to accomplish great things, one must have the means and the space. I sometimes wonder if, within Mormonism, a woman can find "a room of her own." From the time a Latter-day Saint girl or boy is very young, words of testimony are whispered in their ears. They memorize all 12 Articles of Faith and are taught songs of faith and assurance. The Young Women stand each week and recite a motto describing the ideal girl. An active teenage girl who attends Church services, Mutual, and Seminary goes to Church 10 or more hours a week. She is interviewed by her Bishop twice a year to assess her worthiness. Often, this young woman will marry at a fairly young age and begin Church and family responsibilities before she has ever really lived on her own.

These can all be wonderful influences. They tend to produce women who have lived clean, decent lives; who have not mired themselves in addictions. These women are trained and prepared to keep clean and organized homes and to raise upstanding families. Are they missing anything from never having had a room of their own?

I think our strength as a culture is that we tend to develop the public face of our people superbly. As a young wife, I had learned how to present that face to the ward and to the world. I was well-spoken, well-groomed, energetic. I had the skills to run a Parent-Teacher Organization or to speak in public. This picture shows 6 of my eventually 8 children. As you can see, I sewed matching dresses for these girls. I did it three times a year: Christmas, Easter, and Pioneer Day.
But the public appearance was very different from the private reality.

At times I found friends I could share the tough realities of my life with. But in my experience, the Mormon world was not conducive to such confidences. As a Latter-day Saint, I felt compelled to put on a good face for the world. To my non-member friends and neighbors, I felt that I needed to show them how happy being a member of the Church made me. I couldn’t reveal any marital problems, for that would put a bad light on our “eternal family” rhetoric. I didn’t feel free to complain about the pressures of having 8 children, because it might invalidate my reasons for having such a huge family. Among the other LDS women, I felt some competition and equal pressure to maintain the image of perfection. Especially when I was a young mother, I didn’t realize that other Mormon women might also be struggling.

Putting forth a good face is also an inherited trait in my family. To illustrate this, I’d like to share a story my mother wrote in her family history. She tells of going to see a Broadway musical review with her sisters. Since they knew someone in the production, they were invited to go backstage. They left their seats during the final number and were ushered back behind the curtains to watch the chorus line finale. They saw the dancers with big, bright smiles upon their faces while they faced the audience. But when they turned their backs on the crowd, the girls’ faces would relax into a frown or a scowl of concentration. By the time they turned back around, they had their smiles pasted back on. My mother compared this chorus line to her family. She said that in public, they always had to have their smiles on.

I wrote a poem which expresses the liminality I have felt as I have attempted to please my family, my Church, and especially my husband without being able to fully celebrate the nontraditional parts of myself. It’s called, “I Put on Black.”

I put on black,
My head I bow.
You like me now.
You like me now.

I put away my chartreuse scarf,
And colored things I used to wear.
My second piercings now are bare,
I gel down my unruly hair.

I do not have a lot to say.
My makeup now is quite subdued.
I seem to cook a lot of food,
I don’t go swimming in the nude.

I nod and murmur when I should,
I shut my mouth, my thoughts I still,
My questions and my quirks I kill--
My secret longings none can fill.

The ward is suddenly so kind.
I’m not as different now, you see!
A call has been extended me
To teach Relief Society.

Sedately I walk down the aisle,
The Bishop’s wife sits by my side,
She nods at me; you smile with pride,
I feel a tearing deep inside.

I clean the toilets and the hall,
Read stories to my sweet sunbeams.
We never argue now, it seems.
I wonder where I put my dreams.

Your temple marriage now is safe,
You hold my hand that wears the ring.
I never dance, I never sing,
You would not notice such a thing.

I’m all in black,
I’ve kept my vow,
You like me now,
You like me now.

But this is what
You do not see:
I don’t like me,
I don’t like me.


When my family moved to the small, provincial town of Vernal, Utah two years ago, I discovered blogging. I felt I had found “A room of my own,” where I could present my innermost thoughts and feelings, ideas I’ve long held, but didn’t always align with the perfect Mormon woman. On my blog, I call myself “Bored in Vernal,” a feminist, pacifist, disgruntled, yet fully active Latter-day Saint. I’ve found the cyberworld to be a place where I can explore the real me among those with a Mormon background. I’ve found that I can’t leave the Church behind. It is a deep and inextricable part of me. Yet there are some policies, procedures and doctrines that, in order to be authentic, I must take exception to. Even at the ripe old age of 47, I’m still trying to find myself. Right now, it’s almost like I live a double life. I find myself saying things at Church, then saying the polar opposite on my blog. Which do I really believe? At the time I say these things, I feel I am representing myself accurately. I’m so confused. What are my true feelings? Who am I?

One of the objectives of this panel was to explore how Mormon women negotiate the tension between the roles and expectations of Mormon culture and the reality of their own lives. I pondered this as I read a recent novel entitled “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.” The book is about nineteenth-century China and a group of women in Jiangyong, a far flung area in the rural countryside. These traditional Chinese females experienced the binding of the feet at age 7, early marriage, and a secluded life thereafter. While embracing the expectations of their culture, the women of this community developed practices which enabled them to survive. To meet their needs for community, the women contracted with other females—either “sworn sisters” or “old sames.” The novel is based on factual evidence that these women developed a secret system of writing by which they could communicate. It was called “nu shu,” and was kept secret for over a thousand years.

I believe that women such as myself who find tension between traditional Mormon roles and their own personal paradigms must find some way to relieve the strain. What practices will they develop which will enable them to survive and flourish? Will it be online communities such as blogging, or email groups? As wards become more accepting of diversity, will they find kindred spirits within the ward with whom they can commiserate? Or will these women find fulfillment in jobs outside the home, retaining their cultural roles only while at home and at Church?

Through the Proclamation on the Family, the Church has shown its commitment to traditional roles for women. Within our illustrious history, though, there have been some few opportunities for women, even within this type of culture, to find “a room of their own.” I’m thinking of women such as Ellis Shipp, who was sent back East by Brigham Young to obtain a medical degree. She practiced and taught medicine in Utah while bearing ten children. Women like Minerva Teichert, who went to Chicago to take art lessons as a “set apart” missionary of the LDS church. She married, raised a family, cooked and helped with the ranch while painting prolifically throughout her life. I’m thinking of Relief Society sisters who collected grain for humanitarian service, wrote their own manuals, maintained their own budgets and buildings. I urge that we continue to draw upon these, and many other examples of women who embraced their cultural roles within Mormonism yet broadened the definition of womanhood to find a room of their own from which to reach out and touch the world.

Calling You Out

It's a new meme by Johnny who is supposed to be studying, but instead is taking frequent breaks to comment on people's blogs and bother those who should be packing.

Here are the rules:

(1) Explain an issue that you are most passionate about.

(2) Why should all others (ignoramuses that disagree with you) accept your position?

(3) Why do the rest of us (ignoramuses who disagree with you) just not get it?

Well, everyone who blogs knows that I am passionate about pacifism and Mormon feminism. But I think I'll respond on a different issue today. I am passionate about gifted education. Because of all our moves, my children have attended a combined total of 15 different schools plus about 5 years of home schooling. We have seen a wide range of programs for gifted children. (BTW all 8 of my children have tested gifted, no big surprise with their family background.) We've encountered four different types of gifted education:

1. The children are divided according to ability and the gifted classes work ahead of their grade level.
2. The gifted children are identified and placed in magnet schools
3. The children attend regular classes and are pulled out of class a few hours a week to attend supplementary programs.
4. There is no gifted program--the children are mainstreamed and enjoy a maximum interaction with their peers of all abilities.

For some reason there are ignoramuses who believe that the gifted children should remain in the regular classroom as examples for the rest of the students, helping them with their homework, tutoring them, running errands for the teacher and otherwise frittering away their public education time. These children learn to do the work, which is way too easy for them, quickly and with a minimum of effort. They seldom have homework or work up to their potential.

My position is that children should be allowed to work at the highest level they are capable of attaining. In a public school situation this is best achieved by putting them with others of the same capabilities, either in a self-contained classroom or a magnet school. Yes, this is segregation according to ability. I have seen amazing results with such classes.

You should accept this position because if Americans wish to be competitive in the worldwide arena we need to give our gifted students every opportunity to advance in their studies. This is not possible in a crowded classroom of 30 students at different levels. The teacher must spend most of the time on those who do not understand and need to be brought up to grade level.

Many of you just do not get it. You want the money spent on education to go to your mediocre or special needs student. You want my well-behaved child in the classroom to influence others for good. The gifted children have parents who disproportionately help in the schools and in the classrooms. You would like to spread this assistance around.

My focus is the best education for the gifted child because my children are gifted. Would my ideas change if my children were not in this demographic? Probably not. Separating the children by ability makes better teaching possible for all.

I tag J G-W, JohnR, M&M, Téa , and Amelia.

Brigham's Advice to Women and Men

As reported by Wilford Woodruff:

Many other remarks were made & while addressing the females Said Sisters if you expect to call me Br Brigham I want you to be Cleanly. Keep your faces, hands & skin Clean from head to foot your Clothes dishes & Houses clean Also your Children & teach them manners, & when you mix up Bread don't have a dozen flies in your tray.

I know that the women generally rule there Husbands & the Children their Mothers. But when A woman under takes to rule me I want Her to be so secret about it that I Cannot Catch Her at it. Now I do not want the Brethren from my remarks to abuse there wives but treat them kindly: Do there Heavy luging but dont wash there dishes as some men do."



How are we all doing?

Postmodern Ideas for the LDS Church

Recently, Christian bloggers have been discussing the effects of postmodernism on their congregations. (Hat Tip: DMI Dave) For example, this article notes that our society is undergoing a shift to a completely different way of thinking--from left-brained, logical, analytical patterns to whole-brained or bi-lateral thinking. This type of thinking includes and embraces the right-brain intuitive and creative influences. The postmodern generation has been trained in the classroom to use the right brain in their learning activities. Schools have increasingly incorporated the inquiry approach to problems and have engaged in cooperative learning paradigms.

As they encounter the Church as adults, these 18 to 30 year-olds use postmodern thinking in solving difficulties and ambiguities. I believe that as this generation takes its place in local Church leadership, there will be more creative problem-solving at the grass-roots level and less reliance upon tradition. Rather than memorizing and quoting from the Church Handbook of Instructions, these leaders will increasingly use their right brain and intuitive powers.

An example of this type of thinking in the LDS Church can be found in a recent post at Mormon Rhetoric. Here Natalie makes some interesting suggestions on the subject of ward boundaries. Not being part of the postmodern generation, I had never even considered that ward boundaries could be formulated using criteria other than geography. But she makes a great case for approaching problems such as transient communities and weak youth programs. In other areas of the Church, one can see Ward Councils using cooperative principles rather than rigid hierarchical structures. (Warning: Sometimes this attempt may resemble the cartoon above!) Nonetheless, this is an exciting development.

The evangelical churches have concluded that in order to stay vital they must learn how to think postmodernly without sacrificing key principles.

Do you see that the LDS Church could benefit from postmodern thinking? What do you identify as key principles that should not be sacrificed if the Church begins to take a more right-brained or bi-lateral approach?